Making a mixtape was an art and skill that I took seriously.
Like so many others, my method was to tape record my rap songs from HOT 97.1 and my R&B songs from WBLS 107.5 and 98.7 KISS FM in New York City. Depending on the song I had to plan when to record, if it was a hot song, I would wait for a countdown as opposed to just waiting throughout the day. I had school anyways.
I had interviews and freestyles. There were unforgettable days of sprinting through the house to press “PLAY” and “REC” at the same time to make sure I got the song I wanted from the beginning. Bolt had nothing on me during those days. Then there was calculating when to flip the tape over to the next side. Son, now that I am reflecting on it, I had skills!
There were unforgettable days of sprinting through the house to press “PLAY” and “REC” . . .
Over the years, I had a nice collection of mixtapes, but technological advances would deem my mixtapes “obsolete.” They collected dust until one of my deep cleans. One day, I decided to let go of my sonic memories. I remember wiping down the shelf, collecting the tapes, looking at them, and saying, “I’m gonna regret this,” and a funny feeling–brief but impactful–came over me as I threw them in a black garbage bag.
I’m gonna regret this.
Years later, my love for Hip-Hop evolved and led me to the magic of mixtapes and their value to the culture. My brain went back to that sunny Sunday afternoon when I threw mine away and Jay-Z’s hook of “Regrets” played in my head:
This is the number one rule for your set
In order to survive, got to learn to live with regrets
On the rise to the top many drop, don’t forget
In order to survive, got to learn to live with regrets
This is the number one rule for your set
In order to survive, got to learn to live with regrets
If through our travels we get separated, never forget
In order to survive, got to learn to live with regrets
I lowered and shook my head at my irreplaceable audio time capsules because each has a story, it’s not the same as a digital playlist. Now when I hear certain songs, I think about my collection and its significance to my biography and the culture. If I knew then what I know now, we would have never gotten separated. I will never forget them, but not having my physical collection, I do live with a sliver of regret.
Kashema Hutchinson, PhD is a scholar, synthesizer, and educator. Her work is an alchemy of sources that values and highlights the knowledge production of Black youths usually through a Hip-Hop lens. She creates Hip-Hop infographics to facilitate discussions about knowledge of self in various spaces including New York City correctional facilities and random ciphers. Kashema is an assistant editor of Blacklanguagesyllabus.com. She has taught undergraduate courses at the City University of New York (CUNY). Kashema was also a co-director of The CUNY Peer Leaders, a community-based program that supports CUNY undergraduate students’ scholarship and creative work in the Humanities and assists students in developing leadership skills to implement within their colleges and communities. Her research interests include mattering and marginalization, and Hip-Hop as a theoretical framework.